Onwards, weary soldiers

So, Friday was my big errand day because “payday”, of course. I took Miss Autism, the Tank, and the Ninja with me into town. I was not feeling good– the sleeping pill I’d taken the night before was messing with my vision and I have been weirdly cranky for several days. But I wanted to give hubs and the Bear a break, because dealing with those three is stressful for anyone. Better me than them.

Anyhow, I was already cranky and things did not improve as they went on. Everyone we ran into was being either dumb or obnoxious. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was because it was a Friday. Maybe people just suck to be around. I dunno. Maybe it was just me.

I didn’t have patience to play the part that society says I must play in public. If you’re a woman, you know the part– always slightly apologetic, smiling, friendly, lots of “please”s and submissive posturing. It’s ridiculous that women have to act this way in public, but just watch them sometime. Instead of just asking a store employee for help, you must cast yourself as helpless, maybe a bit silly, you do the head tilt, you look beseeching. Ugh. But if you don’t act that way and you act as direct as a man could get away with, you’ll get people’s snottier side in return. It’s the kind of leftover sexism that everyone accepts because nobody really notices it.

It turns out that I have caught the illness that the Adorable Baby has had for the past week. I feel really sorry for him and his brother now, because this sucks. You feel grumpy as heck and you itch and your ears and throat are sore. I didn’t know it at the time, as I didn’t notice the rash until I got home and changed into shorts. But it was definitely making me feel very impatient and easily frustrated. Add that on top of people being rude and incompetent and it was just a disaster in the making.

SO many things went wrong, and since I was an emotional wreck, I didn’t respond to them well. But some of them were just annoying. I didn’t want to play “the game” with the librarian, as I was trying to keep Miss Autism from running away and trying to keep an eye on the boys, too. So I stated things like a man would state them– here’s the problem, can you fix this? I wasn’t rude, just direct. The lady got very snippy with me and dragged her feet at each step. And I’m thinking, sheesh lady, I just don’t have time to beg you to do your JOB today.

Because that’s what women tend to do, at least in my experience. They have to “pretty please” waiters and checkout tellers and librarians and everyone else. They have to act like a worker just doing their job is somehow a personal favor to them, following it with praise and thanksgiving. And I want a nice friendly society as much as anyone, but guys just don’t DO this. If you ever see a man saying “pretty please” in any manner, he’s probably a con man. If a woman doesn’t say it, she’s treated like one.

I’m not much of a “feminist” because feminism seems to have aligned itself with pro-contraception and pro-abortion. I can’t support either of those things, as I actually believe what the Catholic Church teaches about sex, but I also support what the Church says about women having unique roles to play and inherent dignity and value. And it’s pretty demeaning to have to pretend that a checkout teller is doing you an enormous huge favor just to manually add a coupon when it doesn’t automatically scan, or to have to wheedle and beg a librarian to follow the library’s checkout policy on overdue book fines without giving you crap about it. What should we call that, “feminism of not having to kiss ass?”

So, whatever, I survived. Even without playing nice when everyone with two eyes could see that I was struggling just to contain my handicapped daughter. She did manage to get away with a few things– she started manhandling a rotten banana peel in a parking lot, picked up someone’s cigarette butt and pretended to smoke it, re-arranged lots of shelves and racks, and her piece-de-resistance was snatching up someone’s half-drank can of Pepsi off a dollar store shelf and starting to chug it. I freaked out on that one. All I can think is “disease!”

Anyhow. Got a big giant load of groceries, bought some $1 storage bins at the dollar store to use in the game room closet, picked up my hold books (Old Yeller among them. Prepare to weep.), got a refund for the dead fish, and managed to keep all three of the kids alive. Then I came home and worked on organizing the toys into the new storage boxes.

So tired. Of all the crap, honestly, but also just physically tired. Gonna call it a night. Peace out.


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