Well, Lana Del Rey may have Summertime Sadness, but around here it’s been nothing but Summertime Madness.
Frankly, I’d prefer it that way, as her video isn’t especially cheerful (duh.) At least, when it’s just crazy as hell, there are still moments of happiness and joy and love mixed in there somewhere. Granted, they’re not the most numerous moments, but they ARE there somewhere. You just have to endure the craziness first.
So, the source of most of the madness has been Miss Autism. She’s stepped up her game with fun new diversions like smearing feces around her room. She was really playing us one day and drew a smiley face on her wall . . . in poop. So, yeah, she’s not just doing it for fun. It’s a form of protest as well. Just what she’s protesting is up for debate, since she’s the one calling all the shots around here anyway.
Took her in for a checkup, she’s in great health. Every woman should admire her ability to maintain a stable healthy bodyweight while drinking over a liter of Dr Pepper every day. She does that by vigorously avoiding all but a handful of foods, and mostly eating meat, veggies, and fruit with a small sideline in rice and pasta. Well, she also eats crayons, plastics, and small pieces of wood and metal. But those aren’t exactly high calorie items.
It’s . . . indescribable. You think you’ve hit bottom and then you find a new low. I have no idea what’s going on in her head. I wish I understood her better, maybe we could stop this cycle of escalating behaviors.
My husband has been out of town for the past two weeks, as well, working in El Paso. The little boys have reacted to Daddy’s absence by acting out and regressing. Whee, fun. So I have one of them screaming and screeching at the top of his lungs all day and the other one whining nonstop. And both of them fighting with each other all day. I think they need a vacation from each other, honestly. Maybe they’d appreciate each other after a break.
I’m hoping that’s the case with their big brother, the Viking. He’s going to spend the entire month of July with grandparents back east. Since he’s been the one doing most of the mopping of Miss Autism’s room, I’m sure he’ll be glad of the break. Me, I’m going crazy worrying about stupid things like his flights and layovers and whether or not I will be able to find him some good shoes this weekend.
But eventually, you have to let your babies grow up and become men and women who are in charge of their own destiny. This is the hardest part of parenthood, and I’m not exactly doing the best job ever. It’s so hard to let them make mistakes (or do thing you THINK are mistakes.) It can drive you to madness, to saying stupid things that you really should keep under your hat.
Madness . . . it’s in the air lately. Maybe it’s the heat.