Falling, sans style

This week has been, in a word, perilous. I feel like we’re traipsing just at the edge of disaster and any wrong step is going to pitch us over the ledge into our doom.

Maybe that’s a little melodramatic. Maybe not. The rain has been falling steadily here for the past two hours, so maybe I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of having our nearby river escape its banks and strand us on the far side of the Bosque. Tropical storms, coming right after we’d just begun drying out from the abnormally wet spring, are not helping us in our quest for “let’s all get back to normal.”

The farmer who farms the land next to our neighborhood is really SOL, too– his sudangrass is already starting to set seeds. By the time this dries out, it will all have gone to seed and the nutritive value will be crap. But, then, this is the same farmer who baled wet hay last year. And then baled moldy hay. The dude obviously has issues.

Epic rains. Epic bad behavior from Miss Autism. Unexpected complications, unexpected everything. I just feel a little lost. Our trip to the doctor’s office yesterday didn’t exactly give me any answers– no answers about Miss Autism’s health (Do I have to call back for the results of her urine test? When should I bring her in for bloodwork?) and no answers about the ongoing struggle to find her a psychiatrist who will be willing to help us find a medicine that works to calm her without turning her into a veggie. I feel like it was a wasted two hours. Very discouraging.

The good thing about the rain, I guess, is that it gives us a chance to “reset” the garden. Everything was getting baked dry by the sudden switch to 100 degree days. Now we can go rip out the lettuce (that bolted) and the green beans (that already did their thing) and try to get in some pumpkins and a new bunch of beans and greens and whatever else we have in the seed box.

I need to do so much. I have an entire day’s worth of paperwork and phone calls that I need to make. At least two days of work in the garden to get that all done. Several days of cleaning and painting to make Miss Autism’s room look like a bedroom instead of a war zone. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away.

So, yeah, if my posts this week seem a bit lackluster, it’s because I’m just drained and lost and feel like I’m falling way behind. I’ve been reading silly nonfiction books about fashion, not that I can afford new clothes or anything, just to have something fluffy and silly to think about instead of serious stuff. I watched the entire first season of “True Detective” on HBOGo before I cancelled my subscription (I only keep it for Game of Thrones every spring.) I didn’t sleep nearly enough. My brain is kinda mushy right now.

So, yeah, I’m going to try to get my act together. Tomorrow, it’s supposed to stay rainy so I may tackle that pile of paperwork. Not excited about it, but it has to get done. At some point, when you’re falling, you have to decide if you’re going to keep falling or open your darn parachute.


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